Fostering a child’s sense of competence
A Guest Post by Deborah Stewart from TeachPreSchoolOnline.com
Fostering a child’s sense of competence at home
Wyatt has recently discovered the stairs at my house. Every time I turn around, Wyatt is headed over to the stairs and I have to scoop him up and say, “No, no Wyatt – you might get hurt.” But Wyatt isn’t having any of that – those stairs are just calling his name and he must attempt to climb them. He has no inner will to stop himself – the only thing in his way, is me.
As the grown-up in the home, I have several choices as to how to manage this situation. I can…
· Put up a gate
· Stand guard and keep saying “no, no”
· Remove the stairs all together
· Teach Wyatt how to navigate the stairs
Each of these choices are valid options and each choice represents my attitude about the role I play in helping Wyatt develop a sense of competence. According to the text by Barbour and company;
“Homes foster problem-solving skills through participation and experimentation. By modeling problem-solving skills and exploring problems and solutions with children, parents steer their children toward competence (Leach, 1994), Homes where highly directive and punitive behaviors are the norm actually discourage interest and skill for analyzing tasks, and some even produce a sense of helplessness (Bronfenbrenner et al., 1984)” (Barbour, 2003, Chapter 15).
Keeping in mind that homes foster problem-solving skills through participation and experimentation, let’s see what each of these choices will lead to…
A. Putting up a gate: I am concerned about Wyatt’s safety first which is a good thing but I am also in the frame of mind that Wyatt should learn this skill at another time – perhaps even let someone else teach him how to navigate the stairs. It is much easier on me to not have to mess with the issue at all. This choice probably does not foster participation and experimentation at home.
B. Stand guard and say “no, no”: I am still concerned about Wyatt’s safety but I am more concerned with Wyatt listening to me when I tell him what to do. I am out of touch with Wyatt’s inner need to climb those stairs so chances are I am just creating a battle that I can’t win. By telling Wyatt no all the time, I may be fostering a sense of helplessness.
C. Remove the stairs all together: Might get a bit expensive but it would certainly eliminate the problem at home. However, what happens when Wyatt discovers a set of stairs somewhere else? Would I rather Wyatt master the skills he needs to be successful at home or wait and let someone else take over the job?
D. Teaching the skills for success: It will take some of my time and attention but in the end, I will have helped Wyatt master the skills to safely navigate the stairs. I would rather steer Wyatt towards competence while he is at home under my careful watch.
As we foster a sense of competence in the home, we build confident, capable, and independent thinkers. Wyatt will begin to understand the dangers of stairs under my watchful eye. He will be able to make better decisions as he learns with me rather than having to wait and learn these skills in front of his peers or other strangers. It is definitely more work to teach your children to master skills at home but it will promote their self-esteem and make them more emotionally successful and physically capable as they venture out into the big world.
Reference:
Barbour, C. et al (2003) Family and community involvement: Chapter 15: Effective Social Settings for Learning. Prentice-Hall, Inc.
Deborah J. Stewart
Deborah has served in the early childhood field as a teacher, director, curriculum writer, music director, and a leader in staff training and professional development. Deborah graduated with honors with an associate degree in early childhood education, a bachelor degree in human services and management, and is one class away from completing a master degree in early childhood education as well. Deborah believes in life-long learning and currently dedicates her time as a speaker and writer promoting excellence in early childhood education professional development and practice.
View Comments
I love this visual explanation, Deborah. Thank you! “I would rather steer Wyatt towards competence while he is at home under my careful watch.” How true that statement is. Whether stairs…or anything else in life, for that matter – we parents ought to be practicing a “yes” philosophy as much as we can.
Rather than say “No, no, no – don’t touch! Don’t do this! Don’t do that! Stop! No!” We need to say: “Yes, you can do this with my help. Let me show you HOW.”
We really try to have a *yes philosophy* home and that can get frustrating. There are always so many messes to clean up. Our kids explore, pull things apart, take things down and out and examine everything. They ask questions all day long. Sometimes we WANT to remove the items, lock them up or just yell: “NO!!!”
Then we remind ourselves that allowing this exploration and all of those questions is helping them so much more. They are confident and sure of how to do things now…because we made a conscious decision to do what you say: to help them navigate their worlds.
Our kids look to us for guidance & they are molded by what they see and hear. If they always hear “Don’t do that!” they will not have the confidence to tackle things on their own, later on.
Great post – thanks!!
Shara,
I love that you have a “yes” philosophy at home. This definitely teaches a child the boundaries and rules of life and at the same time gives them the tools they need to be successful in life.
listening to “Depeche Mode – Blasphemous Rumors” ♫ http://blip.fm/~kotoj
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Prodam byt 4+1 v Pacove ( okres Pelhrimov ) – Pacov 1300000,- http://realcr.cz/detail/prodam-byt-41-v-pacove-okres-pelhrimov-pacov/id/74683
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Donde puedo ver el partido de futbol online Zulia-Anzoátegui directo vivo hora futbol online gratis (http://bit.ly/92wLmn
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Fostering a child’s sense of competence. http://bit.ly/aahuco #ece #preschool #teachpreschool
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @Teach_Preschool: Fostering a child’s sense of competence. http://bit.ly/aahuco #ece #preschool #teachpreschool
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @Teach_Preschool: Fostering a child’s sense of competence. http://bit.ly/aahuco #ece #preschool #teachpreschool
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @Teach_Preschool Fostering a child’s sense of competence. http://bit.ly/aahuco #ece #preschool #teachpreschool
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Article by Deborah on Fostering a child’s sense of competence. http://bit.ly/aahuco #ece #preschool #teachpreschool
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @Teach_Preschool: Article by Deborah on Fostering a child’s sense of competence. http://bit.ly/aahuco #ece #preschool #teachpreschool
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @Teach_Preschool: Article by Deborah on Fostering a child’s sense of competence. http://bit.ly/aahuco #ece #preschool #teachpreschool
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
See the comment left by @mommyperks on Building a child’s competence at home: http://short.to/1717u
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Loved your article! RT @Teach_Preschool See the comment left by @mommyperks on Building a child’s competence at home: http://short.to/1717u
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @mommyperks: – RT @Teach_Preschool See the comment left by @mommyperks on Building a child’s competence at home: http://short.to/1717u
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @Teach_Preschool See the comment left by @mommyperks on Building a child’s competence at home: http://short.to/1717u
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @debbyfriend: RT @Teach_Preschool See the comment left by @mommyperks on Building a child’s competence at home: http://short.to/1717u
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
@TammyFlowers Here is the link from about Building competent children at home http://short.to/1717u
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
AWESOME!
This comment was originally posted on I Want to Teach Forever
Leave a Comment